The Job Interview(under oath)
Carl had finally advanced to the last year of his engineering degree. Just one year to go! It had really been a struggle for him. He had even featured in the news for scoring a perfect 4 pointer on 10 for 6 continuous semesters. When asked he used to give the same old reply, "Somehow, I manage!" Until now he had been told he had no prospects of getting a job well because of his GPA most probably and he didn't care either. You could rarely see him in class during college. If you saw him, he would be in his same old shirt, his eyes stating the obvious that he was on a seraphic high. His world had turned upside down this morning when he got a call from his friend that he was eligible to attend a placement drive.
BCS (Bata Chappal Services) one of world's biggest conglomerate was coming to campus and he had known everyone except him was eligible for the placement drive. He inquired here and there, just to know that apparently almost everyone had lied on their resumes in the previous years. Somehow, it was decided that this should be stopped. The company had concluded that beneath the veneer of the brightest students was a not so bright promise to excel and so they decided to give everyone a chance. #GPAdoesntMatter was already trending on twitter. There was one catch, the student had to be under oath during the interview to ensure the fake resumes were countered. Yes oath, the one which you see in court- Jo bhi kahunga sach kahunga, sach ke siva.... that one!
So this was the moment! Carl waited for his turn and headed for the interview room when his number was announced. As he was seated in front of the interviewers a jester entered and he was asked to take the oath. Moments later the interview began. Here is what ensues:
Interviewer 1: So, you know you can't lie right? Honesty is all we are looking for today. Be honest and take the job.
Interviewer 2: * Takes a look through Carl's resume. Throws a smug smile to his colleague.* So Carl...tell us about your project?
Carl: Well um.. I am working on a "Betting Recommendation System" that will help bookies and gamblers....
Interview 1: * Interrupts * Honest answers Carl, remember!?
Carl: Aaah there is this site, where I found multiple projects. So any one of them is my project. Haven't opened them yet, but I'll find something.
Interviewer 2: Now we're talking. what languages can you work on?
Carl: Any, as long as I have a good internet connection and allowed to access any website there is no stopping me.
Interviewer 1: Why do you think we should hire you?
Carl: Because I need a job and you have one to offer. Supply and demand!
Interviewer 2: But why our company?
Carl: I had no other option. This is the first company coming on campus. It's not like I had a menu to choose from. I have done my research, working at your company will definitely help me if I get the chance, so I won't be working just for the sake of it. That's all what matters.
Interviewer 1: What about your low GPA? Do you have any backlogs?
Carl: Well some senior said that grades don't matter, he himself then passed out with flying colors. I do work hard but once you are in the teachers bad books, you cannot get a good grade no matter what. No sir, no backlogs.
Interviewer 2: No backlogs? Sounds interesting.
Carl: Look sir, the thing is a backlog means a lot of extra work. Pay the university again, fill up the forms again. I make sure I will always pass the exam.
Interviewer 2: It says here you founded your own start up! Explain?
Carl: Well, you are engineers too. Isn't it always better to copy assignments from a hard copy instead of soft copies. I went through the same pain. So, I just built a tinder like platform. You swipe the assignments you like. Meet with the person you are matched to, exchange of assignments on a large scale without the need to beg-borrow-steal.
Interviewer 1: Look I'm going to be honest with you. This is really what we want.. students who can get shit done when needed. We don't need sanctimonious turds.
Interviewer 2: Well I'm a bit skeptical. All things apart we need you to work on the computer in the end, could you tell me how do you sort n numbers?
Carl: * Stares at the interviewer's teeth as he laughs, realizing they have been through years of smoking * See, I can't write the perfect code or even the perfect pseudo code for this or any other thing you will ask me. All I can say, you need to collect and store these numbers. Then you traverse through them and arrange them step by step. As we work on it we see the patterns even a fool will start to think of ideas and optimize it.
Interviewer 2: So, the people who can do it are idiots is what you are implying?
Carl: No, they are and should be definitely better than me. They have my respect for working hard all these years. But do your companies clients really ask you to make a number sorting software? The thing is when we all start working on something for the first time aren't we all beginners? Now who would you want.. someone who thinks he knows everything and that's why got into the company or someone who thinks the company is giving him a chance. Look if we are being honest I would have not even attended this interview if I wasn't interested in the kind of work you do. You will find so many people outside who don't really care about it but are here just because they have to be here. I hope you will make the right choice, you are on the other side of the table for a reason.
Interviewer 1: I am thinking we should make the entire company work after taking an oath everyday. * Laughs at his own joke*
Interviewer 2: Moving forward. What are your biggest strengths?
Carl: Well Sarcasm, a self proclaimed sense of humor. I stay away from cancerous stuff!
Interviewer 1: Weaknesses?
Carl: Waking up early in the morning.
* All laugh *
Interviewer 2: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Carl: Probably in a rock band or spending a year on an island or maybe writing a novel, maybe still at your company. Even you know people lie through their teeth for this question. I know this is a question of quick wit to judge us so I just wasted your time to try and not give the perfect answer? How about that!
Interviewer 1: Would you be ready to work night shifts?
Carl: Only if I can watch football from time to time as I work.
Interviewer 2: I am stumped. Don't know what to say.
Interviewer 1: Even I was just like him back in the day, had a slight higher GPA though.
Carl: I guess you're about to ask me to leave. I'll take off. Thank you for the opportunity. It was great talking to you.
Interviewer 2: Sarcasm really is your stronghold, innit?
* Carl leaves the room. Flips the bird to the other students waiting* "Screw you guys! I'm going home."
What happened next? Did he make it, did he not. We will never know. Maybe, the interviewers resigned after that interview and ran off to never-land.
Well thank you for reading this. It sounded much better as an idea in my head but after writing sounds kind of meh! Been busy with I don't know what and also suffering from a lack of good ideas. Wrote up this bunch of crap in less than two hours. Apologies for the low quality work, will be back with something good.........Hopefully!
Until next time.